The Body Keeps Score: Acupuncture, Forgiveness and Healing Emotional & Physical Trauma

Trauma – whether emotional, physical or psychological – we’ve all experienced it at some points of our lives – some more traumatic than others. And whether it's left you struggling with upset emotions and memories, or feeling numb and disconnected – we can heal from it.   

In this week’s episode, we explore acupuncture as a modality for healing from emotional and physical trauma with Carine Camara – Acupuncturist, Energy Healer and Spiritual Wellness Coach.  During our conversation Carine shares her personal experiences of trauma and the ways it manifested in her body, including ovarian cysts, and how the use of acupuncture as an alternative to surgery created a pathway of healing and becoming a healer.

In this episode we discuss:

• What acupuncture is and how it works
• How emotions and trauma get lodged in the body and can affect our physical health
• Forgiveness as a source of overcoming emotional and physical trauma 
• What it’s like working with an energy healer 
• Ways to work on emotional trauma that is stored in the pelvic region
• Unravelling and undoing stories that no longer serve us in order to learn how to love ourselves
• What it feels like to heal and be able to let go of emotional pain 
• Using the Hawaiian Ho'oponopono prayer to facilitate forgiveness
• What’s in Carine’s wellness toolkit
• …and more! 

Content Warning: This interview includes sensitive content that may be triggering, including, but not limited to suicide ideation, sexual assault and sexual abuse.

How you can connect with Carine Camara:

• Website https://carinecamara.com/
• IG: https://www.instagram.com/carinejcamara/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/carinehealing
• Infinite Love Podcast: https://carinecamara.com/infinite-love-podcast/

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

The Empath’s Survival Guide by Judith Olaf, MD 

Heal Your Body by Louise Hay

Anatomy of the Spirit by Carolyn Myss 

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Transcript

Faith:  Welcome back to the podcast ladies. I am so excited to have with me today Carine Camera, an acupuncturist, intuitive guide, spiritual coach and holistic healthcare provider in the San Francisco Bay area with us today. So Carine, welcome to the Sista Circle, Queen.

Carine: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.

Faith:  I'm so excited to have you. So tell us, who is Carine?

Carine: Ooh. Carine is a lot of different things. So, I would say the biggest thing is Carine is a student of life who is here to spread messages of love and healing, and who is always on a path of learning about myself, healing myself, working on myself and how I could help others do the same. I love all things that have to do with health, spirituality, beauty, fashion. I have multi interest in life, but ultimately, it comes down to how can you love yourself more and how to spread more love in the world.

Faith:  That's awesome. So, one of the intentions that I set for the next 100 days is actually to practice a whole lot of self-love, so that actually resonates with me a lot. So Carine, where are you from?

Carine: I was born and raised in New York City. My parents are from Guinea, West Africa, so I'm first generation America. I grew up in Hells Kitchen, which is in between Times Square and Central Park, so it was the heart of Manhattan. I grew up there and left the city when I was in my twenties to move to California.

Faith:  So you are, you said a student of life and you are all of these things, right? So an intuitive healer or guide a spiritual coach, all of those things, but how did you get to that place? Like, did you just wake up one day and say, I want to be these things, or what was your journey to become this student of life and holistic practitioner?

Carine: Well, when I was young, I saw a movie. I don't know if you saw that movie Shakazulu. It was like, I saw that movie when I was younger, and I was really impressed by the medicine woman, shaman, warrior woman that was in that movie. And I remember she was also very scary because she was so fierce, but there was something about her that I was like, I'm that. Like, I recognized that that's the kind of person I wanted to be in the world like that fierce confident spiritual guide, all of those things, medicine woman. And I was like my young healer yourself I had that idea, but then of course, life goes on and you have multiple iterations of what you want to be when you grow up.

Then life brought me to working at an acupuncture school as an office manager. And at the time I was kind of like, okay, I want to be a nutritionist, I wanted to go into holistic health; I thought of different modalities. And what happened for me is that I cyst on my right ovary and the doctor at the time was like, oh, you're going to need surgery, et cetera, et cetera. And I decided to try acupuncture. And mind you I'm really afraid of needles. I still don't like needles and people are always amazed that I'm an acupuncturist, but for me, I was less afraid of those needles than I was about getting surgery. Because I was like, well, I could face that fear - surgery was a whole different ballgame. I got acupuncture for about two months and my cyst dissipated, and so did my really extreme menstrual cramps. That was like the biggest gift from it all, was like my menstrual cramps got better.

And after that I was like, oh my God, this is amazing. And so, learning the modality of Chinese medicine was really fascinating for me because acupuncture is one part, but there's herbology, there's movement, which is Tai Chi, there's breathwork, which is Qigong, there's massage and nutrition. So really, it's a holistic system that I was really fascinated to learn about. And then once I started learning about acupuncture and Chinese medicine, I started to see where our emotions get lodged in the body and how trauma gets stored in the body and how that affects the meridians. And then once I graduated, I got more interested in learning about chakras and energies and how this all kind of inter plays within the system of Chinese medicine. So, I've always been interested in that spiritual aspect of it.

And then I moved to California; I was lucky enough to find a spiritual teacher coach and that kind of propelled me into learning more about how love, emotions, trauma, all of those things affect our health, mental and emotional wellbeing, and it slowly, slowly morphed. So I'm an empath, I discovered that later in my twenties and you know, I went to all different kinds of healing schools, learning energy work and all of that, so I developed my intuitive gifts that I already had. I honed them. So the more that you open yourself up to being a healer, the gifts that you already have within you start to blossom. So that's exactly kind of what happened, where slowly things started to open up. And I was able to say, "Oh, I could read people's energy. Oh, I can do this. Oh, I can do this." And kind of just following the path that life is unfolding in front of me.

Faith:  Interesting! So I'm actually curious - tell me, what exactly is acupuncture?

Carine: Acupuncture is a system of harmonizing the body. So there's multiple different meridians in the system of the body. We have 14 major ones, and the whole premise of acupuncture is helping your body move energy in a very harmonious way. So oftentimes when we have pain or some kind of block, it usually means you have some kind of block in your system, which is creating the pain. The stagnation is what we call it, and acupuncture helps to remove those stagnations. I like to use the analogy of a river. So if you have a river that's flowing and there's a bunch of rocks on the path, then it's going to affect the water flow, right? So the water's going to back up, there may not be enough water on the other side of the rocks, that kind of thing. And that pile of rocks can cause pain in the body. It could be inflaming. It could be any kind of obstruction of flow. So acupuncture helps to remove those blocks to help get a smooth transition.

So when you're putting acupuncture needles in the body, you're also bringing more oxygen to that place. You're bringing more blood flow and your body is a self-healing mechanism. Our body can heal itself, given the right nutrition, given the right ingredients, the body can start to heal. So you put specific points in specific areas of the body to get blood flow going to get energy going, which we call Chi, but it's also considered prana. There's different names for it, but ultimately, we're getting that life force to those places. It works along the fascia, which is connective tissue that surrounds all different aspects of our body, which is why you can needle the foot to help the head because it's the same fascia plane.

Also, what I love about it is that you put the needle in and the body recognizes, "Hey, this is something foreign here. Like, why is this needle here?" And the body starts to activate its own immune response, which is good, because the body's like, oh, okay, this isn't supposed to be here and we need more white cells, we need more blood cells, we need to... what's happening, what's happening. And then the body starts to heal itself and start to mend. I mean, it's pretty amazing that we cut our skin and it starts to heal. You know, our body can heal itself. You know, if you cut a part of the liver, it can regenerate. Our body is really powerful, so acupuncture is one of these modalities that really helps your body heal itself.

Faith:  So, one of the things that you mentioned was that as you were on like this path that you found a coach or a mentor. How did you go about finding that? Or was it something that you just kind of set the intention and it just kind of came about? What happened?

Carine: It's really divine because I lived and grew up in New York. I had no intention of ever moving to California. California was never on my radar and I happened to move out here because I wanted to transfer to acupuncture schools. And when I was leaving New York, I was leaving a bad... it wasn't a bad relationship, but it was a bad breakup for me because it was heartbreaking. And I wrote in my journal, I want to find myself and I want to learn how to be powerful and unconditionally loving. I had all these intentions of how I wanted to grow because I felt like in that past relationship I was codependent and I had lost my power and I wanted to reclaim my power and all of that.

So I put this down in my journal, got on a plane. Wasn't really thinking about like teachers. I mean, I had no idea what any of that stuff was having a coach. I was kind of like, you know, a cynical New Yorker. I was like, I don't know what I'm talking about. So my friend that I knew, my one friend I knew from New York that was also in acupuncture school, it was his group of friends. And then I happened to meet them. And then I happened to meet a coach and it was just kind of one of these things where life was like, this is why you're moving to California to meet this community. It wasn't something I intentionally thought about. But if you remember my intention when I was little was that I wanted to be a healer. And for me, a true healer really has worked on themselves to be able to help guide other people.

And so, life heard me, God heard me and brought me to this place where I was like, oh, this is kind of what I asked for, but it wasn't exactly what I asked for. When I was younger, I wanted unconditional love; I wanted to be a healer. I wanted all these things. But then I was like, eh, okay, you become a teenager, you live your life, you don't even think about it, but I had set that intention at such a young age, life slowly and slowly pulled me in that direction. And then I moved to California and just blossomed.

Faith:  And just opened up for you.

Carine: Right, which was interesting. because when you think about it, it's like, oh yeah, you do manifest what you want in this life, so be mindful of what you asked for.

Faith:  Absolutely, absolutely. So actually, now I'm really interested in learning more about the nature of being like an intuitive guide. Talk to me a little bit about what that is and how it's kind of shaped itself in your life.

Carine: You know, everyone is intuitive on a certain level, and it's just about like kind of learning your intuitive gifts. And so for me as an empath, I could always feel what people are feeling. So, that's one aspect of my intuitive gifts where I can, I can really see, okay, this person's going through X, Y, and Z. In terms of like the readings that I do, it's really about me tuning into other people's energies. And so, I'm sitting, closing my eyes, tuning myself to your energy or the person's energy and then allowing their energy to kind of show me like what's happening. And of course, prayer, divine help, you know, it's not all coming from me. There is a certain level of like spirit coming through to give me insight on what's going on with this person, and what's happening with this person, what's happening currently. Sometimes it could be like a past thing, but the most part, I can see what's happening with the person in present time. Like, okay, you're having this issue and perhaps you can do this thing to help move this energy. So, it really kind of just depends on the person.

But ultimately, it's helping people see certain things about themselves that they haven't necessarily noticed. And for some people it's more validation, "Oh, you're doing this. This is the right thing. You should tweak - maybe you can think about tweaking it, doing this. You know, maybe incorporating this food in your diet, this workout, this practice or like changing this outfit." You know, it could really be depending on the person, like what that person or what that soul is craving to take them to that next level that they want to go towards.

And also I could say from personal experience, having a mentor and a teacher has made the biggest difference for me because I don't think I would've been able to do it by myself. That being said, our darkness, our negativity or our ego can really wrap itself around us. And it really takes somebody else that sees your beauty, that sees your heart, that sees your soul is like, I see you over here in the light. You may be in the dark, but this is the path that can bring you to the light. And like I give this analogy to my clients; like if you're in quick sand, you can't have someone else in the quick sand to try to help you get out. You're both going to be stuck in the quick sand. You know what I mean? Somebody has to be outside to be able to give you a hand to help you out the quick sand. So,, there is this aspect of finding somebody that's that you have a heart connection with that you truly love that loves you that has a lot of trust.

I think in this spiritual world, there is a lot of negativity around cults and leaders and people that take advantage of people in this vulnerable state, which has given people pause that people are insecure about it. But really, it's about finding someone that you love, that you trust that loves you and is out for your best interest. So I think it really involves you tuning into your intuition and really finding someone that resonates with you. And sometimes you may need someone for a few months and you're like, okay, I got what I needed. Sometimes you want to be with someone for life, you know, it's really your own journey. And of course all those other things like intuitive, psychic, all of those things are wonderful as well, so it's really about finding something that helps you open up your heart to the expression of your soul.

Faith:  And so, I know one of the things that you may mention of was like killing your energy. I'm curious to know, like, what might that look like?

Carine: Well, it depends on the person. So, our energy flows in specific ways for certain people. Like for instance, like in a Chinese medicine framework, like the digestive system, the stomach and the spleen meridians, those energies go downward. And if they're going up - like the stomach meridian, if it's going up, you have heart burn, you have ingestion, it always feels like you're burping, like, you don't feel good; that's because your meridian is going in the opposite direction. So, whatever you're eating is creating this influx of energy and food particles going up. That could also mean you have some inflammation going; like something is blocking the flow of the energy not going downward as your digestive track is supposed to go downward, in the mouth and out the bottom. And if something is causing a disturbance in that, things are going in the opposite direction, which is causing health issues. And so, acupuncture and energy work can help get the energy going in the right direction.

So, that's kind of like a fact, that's like a literal example in the body, but then it's also kind of like when you're having heartbreak, you know, I'm sure you remember having your heart broken. It's like most of the time when we all get our heartbroken our chest hurts, we get this energy that's like somebody's sitting on chest, right. It's just this overwhelming pain in our chest, literally. Like our heart's literally breaking. I remember the first time my heart broke, I was like that Tony Braxton's song was so on point, because I remember listening to that song, I was young when that song came out and I was like singing along, but I didn't really know what it meant until my heart really got broken. And I was like, "Whoa, Tony Braxton was really talking about something." But that's a literal feeling. That's energetic. Like your heart's not really breaking, but it's this energetic thing that's happening, where energy work and healing can help soft from that and help to get the energy moving, to get it to go downward, because the heart energy is in the chest. The meridian of the heart goes from the chest down to our arms, but it also spreads throughout the body. So, it's one of these things where you want to get the energy shifting and moving so that you don't have this heaviness on you.

So if anything, it's almost like a lot of the energy work that acupuncturists and energy workers do is like a bomb. Like we're soothing the nervous system for the most part, because when we're in pain, our nervous systems agitated. So a large part of it is like soothing, the nervous system, getting things to flow, right? Because if you're in emotional pain, your body - everything's reacting. So really, if you can at least get your biochemistry and your physical body to be more calm, then it's a lot easier to manage the emotional stuff that's happening, because if you're in pain, you're kind of focusing on the pain. You're not really focusing on the emotional pain because the physical pain is easier to deal with than the heart pain. And that's a lot of the times when people are in emotional pain, they're not even wanting to look at it.

So they're like, okay, their back goes out, they're like, oh my back is out. And then they come in to get treatment because their back is out, really, they're heartbroken because they don't have any support in their life and they're feeling alone and they're feeling like they're carrying the weight of supporting their family on their own and now their backs out. So it's like, we could treat the back pain, but really, we want to treat the heart because we want to make you - how can you feel supported? How could you heal what's happening on the emotional part of what's happening in your life? I don't know if I answered your question.

Faith:  Yeah. And so when you say energy work, are you referring to like Reiki or a different modality of sorts?

Carine: All of it. I mean people can do Reiki, they can do hands on energy healing. Acupuncture is a form of energy medicine. There's so many different modalities, I think it just depends on, again, like what works for you and what kind of practitioner that you relate to. Energy work is about a synchronicity with two people, and so you want to find someone that feels comfortable. For some people Reiki doesn't really do much, for other people, Reiki changed their lives. You know, it's one of these things were like, was it really Reiki or was it the practitioner, you know, because ultimately, it's about you and your connection with this person that's helping you along your healing journey.

Faith:  Got you. I'm actually curious to know more about your healing journey. I know that you talked a little bit about like the healing of like pelvic issues, or the womb or the removal of cyst from your ovaries. But what else, like, what was a part of your healing journey? And kind of like how... like I know that life just kind of happens, but I'm just really curious to know more about what your journey was. I find it utterly fascinating that you've just kind of been guided on this path. And so, I'm really interested in learning more about like, were there particular instances that kind of led to it - what happened along the way?

Carine: Well, I would say the first thing was, it started when I was 20 or 18 or 20, I was 20 and I had really bad digestive stuff. I had acne and I had really, I just couldn't figure out how to feel good in my body. And then I became plant-based vegetarian, so I went on this whole food as a medicine kind of journey. And then the next level was me working at the acupuncture school and then learning about acupuncture as a modality of healing. So I took the herbs and I had this amazing breakthrough. I was like, oh my God, I'm on the path of wellness, I'm feeling better and better. Moved to California, and then it's like, oh God, the heart stuff, the spiritual stuff, so that was like the next level. And of course, that took a little longer because that was 15 in years, so that took a lot longer to really hone in on the spiritual aspect of it.

But on my path the last 15 years, it's understanding how much pain I'm carrying in my body. And so with my menstrual cramps, I used to have really, really intense menstrual cramps like nausea vomiting and like 800 milligrams of ibuprofen every two hours. It was intense. And after the herbs and the treatment - acupuncture, I was like, oh my God, this is great. My cramps are like manageable now. They weren't gone completely, but they were manageable. And so while I was working on my emotional stuff and trying to figure out like to let go of my pain and anger, it was also looking at the physical, like beating as I got as a kid. Like, I really got, I mean, I got beat a lot as a child and I was holding all of that in my body and mostly in my pelvis, because that's where most of the beatings were happening were on my bottom. And so, that was another, a angle of letting go of that, like that trauma. And then the sexual assaults that happened overtime, my life, and how I was storing all that in my pelvic region and how that was affecting.

And then my anger towards my dad for breaking my heart when I was little and how that affected my relationship with men, and how that affected sexuality. Growing up with parents that are Muslim that are very conservative about certain things and how that kind of imprinted on me. So there was so many angles of undoing and unraveling, the conditioning that my parents, unknowingly put on me because that's what people do. They kind of put their beliefs on you and their pain and whatever. And having to understand that my parents are human, forgiving them and letting go of how I perceived I was treated because a lot of my life I felt unloved by my family. I had this whole journey of suicidal depression and ideation until I was 29.

I had to go deep within myself to start to see like, okay, why am I here? Like, what's my purpose? Like why did God bring me to this planet? And I decided, okay, I'm a healer, I'm supposed to help people. And so, I have to really learn how to heal myself as much as I can to help people that are in my similar situations. Like people that don't feel loved, people that have been sexually abused or attacked, and people that have really intense stories and they don't know how to be in the world because they feel so wounded and hurt and afraid, which is all of the things that I've gone through.

So for me, it's about, okay, I've gone through this, how can I help someone else that's in a similar situation and show them how to get out of that. And on top of that, being a black woman, having to deal with the black story, right? Being a dark skinned black woman, having to deal with all of that. Being an immigrant, a child of immigrants, having to deal with all that, so there's layers upon layers of things that I had to unpack and own, like be proud of my heritage, be proud of my darkness, be proud of my femininity and not be afraid that I'm going to be attacked if I wear a pretty dress when I walked down the street. So, I had a lot of healing to do and I'm still on that path of healing. I'm still unraveling and undoing stories and learning how to love myself more, learning how to accept myself, learning how to be vulnerable. Like, these are all things that require a lot of practice and intention and commitment and conviction.

Faith:  Absolutely. So how would you define self-love?

Carine: That's a really good question. I would say for me, I would define self-love as absolute acceptance of who you are. Accepting your physical flaws if you feel like you have them, accepting who you are in this present moment, because oftentimes we're always thinking, or at least I'm always thinking about, "I could be better. I can do this. I can do that. I'd be so much better if I did this. I'd be so much prettier if I lost this much amount of weight. I'd be so much," you know, all the should've would've could've and I feel like self-love is like, no, I'm going to accept myself for all of my weight and my hair right now in this moment. I don't have to think about, I'm going to love you when you do this. No, I love you with no makeup. I love you with your nappy hair. I love you. Like when you look crazy, like, okay. I love you when you're messy. Just accepting all aspects of yourself I feel like is really what I would consider self-love.

And of course there's so many different things, but for me, that's been the most powerful to like, if I'm weighing myself and okay, today I'm 200 pounds, I love you anyway. Or whatever, you know, because I feel like I've set these, like... I used to historically be like, okay, I'm going to love myself when this happens, when I become successful or when I have a certain amount of money in my bank account or whatever, whatever. Like I created all these limit limitations and it's like, no, have you ever seen that picture? I don't know, it's on the internet, but there's this picture of this little girl and Jesus, and Jesus is asking her for the bear that she's carrying and he has a bigger one in the behind. I feel like that is for me what I consider self-love because we're holding this little bear and we're like holding on for dear life. And then God is like, no, I have a bigger one back here. And I feel like if you're able to take that in, for me, like a part of my self-love is understanding that God does love me.

So I was able to be like, oh God loves me. And I would go back to all the things that have happened in my life. And even if they were painful, I'm like, oh this is - oh God saved me here. You know, rejection is God's protection. Right? So I'm like, ooh, you know, all these things where I started to look back thinking before I was thinking, "Oh God doesn't love me. Look, like I'm been forsaken." But when I start to think about it and look back historically, I'm like, no, God loves me, look how he saved me here, here, here, and here. That also helped me to love myself more because it was like, okay, God loves me, I'm cool, I could hold onto that to help me love myself more.

Faith:  So, how would you say that healing feels to you?

Carine: Healing feels like freedom for me.

Faith:  I like that a lot - freedom.

Carine: Because once you're able to let go of that emotional pain that's been gripping you for so long and you're able to move past it; then you're like, oh my God, I have so much space within me. It's amazing. Like when I was able to really forgive my father and I had a conversation with him, it was like, whoa, like all this energy came back into my body. I was like, whoa, I've been holding onto this anger for so long that I didn't even know how crippling it was. And when I was able to let it go, I had like legitimately felt this energy rushed through my body. And I was like, I cannot believe that I was holding on to something that... and he's cool, which I always think is fascinating. When you're mad at someone, you're holding onto this bitterness and the other person is like, they're cool, they're like nothing happened. They're like living their best life. And I'm here I am holding on to this anger, for what? I'm just poisoning myself, really. And that gave me so much freedom. I felt like, whoa, like, oh my God, who else can I forgive?

Faith:  Right. I think that oftentimes people have the assumption that forgiveness is for the other person, when in fact, forgiveness is for you.

Carine: Hundred percent for you. A hundred percent for you.

Faith:  Oh my gosh. Yes, you know what, that story, it resonates with me so much. I have a very distinctive memory as well of when I forgave my father when I was in college. I specifically remember I used to be really into poetry. And I was a part of this thing called the Underground Poet Society. And so there was this challenge at the time where I was "battling" another poet, but it was like a freestyle about like our fathers. And it was like this, you know, the poem was so angry. It was visceral. It was like all of these things. And I remember pressing submit and it didn't post. Like I don't know where it went. And I remember being like, oh my gosh, like this was amazing. Like, you know it was anger, you know, it was all these things.

And then as soon as that happened, I remember my mom calling me. I was in my dorm, I'll never forget this. And she called me and she said, "Baby, you got to forgive your daddy. I just called to tell you that." And I said, 'What?" And she said, "You've got to forgive your daddy. And here's the thing, baby, forgiveness is not for your dad. The forgiveness is for you." And when she said that to me, I just remember the tears just like streaming down my face, crying until I was like uncontrollably crying. And then I remember after that cry saying, you know what, I do forgive him. And that feeling of freedom and like just the weight had been lifted off of me, like I felt that. So, I feel you on that so, so much.

Carine: Yes.

Faith:  Oh my gosh, you took me all the way back.

Carine: Yeah. It's was so amazing that I was like, whoa, like it is really poison holding on to these negative emotions. And you also age with it, it ages you. You know, having all that anger in your face and your body, the tension, it's just like energy can't flow when things are tight and constricted. So it's like having that ease and that grace and that forgiveness, gives you that lightness of being. It's totally worth doing, even though it can be very challenging to forgive people, but it's absolutely a hundred percent worth it.

Faith:  So, what about for the women who are listening and are like, I want to forgive, but I'm struggling with doing so. How would you suggest that they move through or process through that?

Carine: Well, one of the things I like - have you heard of the Ho'oponopono prayer, so it's a Hawaiian prayer and it's pretty simple, it's "Thank you. I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me." And in that space, you really look... so you're thinking about someone or something that you want to forgive, and you're pretty much praying, finding ways to pray about it. Like you could almost like imagine the situation happening in your head and then you're saying, "Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me." And I mean, I don't know if there's a specific order, I just kind of say all four lines. And really just thinking about how you can look at the situation from a different perspective and how it's a growth opportunity as opposed to the victim that somebody did something to me.

And it's really challenging, right? Cause if you get raped or something like that, it's hard to look at this perpetrator as like a positive situation because it's so horrific. So then in those types of extreme situations, it's really looking at, okay, like what happened to me? Like, how am I a different person? Like, how am I shifted and grown? You know, like what is happening for me in these situations? You are the person you are today because of all the things that have happened to you in the past. Often you can say I'm more compassionate, I'm more loving, I'm more sensitive. You know, when I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, I started to understand women that were survivor of domestic violence. Because I think before when I was younger, I was so judgey about it. Like, why don't you leave? Like, you can leave.

But then when I was in an abusive relationship and it wasn't physical, but it was emotional, I was like, oh this is what happens for women. This is where they get stuck because it is very hard to unravel yourself from those situations. So then I started to look at myself, okay, where am I attracting this level of relationship? Where am I unhealed that I needed a man to abuse me in this way? Like, where do I not feel worthy? Do I not feel deserving? Like, am I insecure? Like, what's happening with me that would create the situation I'm being verbally abused to this extent? And so, that was where I started to do that healing work within myself, and then it was easier to forgive him. Because if anything, you're like, oh thank you for showing me where I needed to learn and grow and heal. So, that's kind of the angle you want to start to think about it?

It's like, okay. Like, like my dad, he was emotionally unavailable, physically abusive, mentally abusive, all of the abuses, except sexual. He did all the, you know, and it's like, okay, what did I learn from that? What kind of person have I become because of the pain that my dad "inflicted" on me? Because it's like, okay, like I've become a person that is genuinely concerned about others that wants - you know, that has high accountability, has high integrity that's emotionally available that seeks love. I mean, if my parents didn't deprive me of love, I wouldn't be all about love as an adult. That's all I ever talk about out. I'm all about love. Why? It's because I didn't feel much love for my dad, so that's a gift. Otherwise, I don't even know who I would be if I didn't have that experience. And so then I could thank him for that. Like, well thank you for giving me my purpose. Like, I love you, I appreciate you, and I'm sorry for my part in the relationship, and let it go. So that took years, years, years, and I didn't talk to him for seven years,

Faith:  Oh, wow, you didn't talk to him.

Carine: I didn't talk to him for seven years, and COVID happened. And then it was like... because I thought I did all the forgiveness work. And I was like, I did the forgiveness work, I just don't need to talk to you. I'm good. I'm good. And then COVID happened and I thought I was over it and it was like, oh, another layer, another layer, another layer. And it was like, oh, okay. So you think you forgive people and then something happens and there's still something in there that's still hurtful. And now it's like, okay, I'm cool. And also another aspect of forgiving, especially your parents, it's like, they people.

Faith:  Yeah, man. Yes, they're people.

Carine: They make mistakes, they do the best they can, and they're also wounded. You know, my dad had a very intense childhood, you know, so it's like, okay, he's a wounded soul. I feel like narcissistic behaviors usually come from trauma. So, he had a traumatic childhood and it's like, okay, I'm sorry that you had to go through that and I'm sorry I had to experience it, and I love you and let's move forward. And that made a whole difference with everything. I feel like it's really hard to look at yourself in that way because it's hard to see where you are trapped in these F-up situations. Like, why did I attract a guy that did this and did that? Why do I feel victimized here? Like, what's going on with me? And I think that's where you can really start to see yourself in a different light. And then when you can start to shift how you feel, then it's easier to forgive the other person.

Faith:  And I know that you talk about being a student of life, but when you think about the things that have shaped you the most outside of like the traumatic experiences that stem from your childhood, what else would you say? Like, what's been most influential?

Carine: Well, probably my spiritual teacher and mentor - she's been very, very influential for me, like just being a beacon of who I want to be in the world, like a being of love and forgiveness and showing me my potential. Being a wounded victimized black girl from New York, I felt super unloved and lovable, I felt like unworthy of anything good. So, I anticipated everything bad happening to me and it did because that's what I put out there. It was nice to be able to move past that and to understand, oh, I do have a purpose in the world and I am important and to find my worth and to believe in myself. I think that was the big gift is to believe in myself that I can impart goodness to others. Yeah, I would say that's been the most amazing thing.

Faith:  So, I guess one of the questions that I have, I always talk about a toolkit, right. You know, always looking for tools and resources and such to add to folks' toolkit. What do you have in your toolkit right now that you are frequenting most often and what are some tools or resources that you suggest for the Sista Circle Podcast listeners?

Carine: You know, there's so many things. I mean, there's crystals and all these sorts of things, but honestly, I'm going to get real practical, it's my Peloton bike, honestly.

Faith:  Me too.

Carine: We need to find each other.

Faith:  Yes.

Carine: Honestly, that has become my thing. Like, I wake up every morning and I jump on the bike and I love... some of these teachers are like my fitness gurus. I love Allie and Robin and all these people. And for me, moving my energy every day, like getting out of my own way and being able to exercise on a daily basis has made such a big difference, because for me, if I'm not moving, I get stagnant. I have the kind of body that I gain weight, I accumulate energy and it sits on me, physically, and working out is one of the only ways that I can get things moving. So it's not just about fitness and looking good and all of that, for me, it's like an energetic dump, like being able to like release all the energies that I'm accumulating from others, the world, all of it. Like just letting it go through my sweat and my breathing, and it's also just a place where it's like, it can become meditative.

Faith:  All of the things, yes.

Carine: For me, I just would say working out is key. And I think for me, the Peloton shifted that because before I could use the excuse, oh, I don't want to go to the gym, I don't want to drive. But honestly, the Peloton is literally two feet from my bed.

Faith:  No, excuse.

Carine: Yeah. I wake up, put on my sports bra, my clothes, put on the cleats and I'm on the bike and that's it. So every morning, get on the bike, do yoga, do something, do movement, getting my body breathe. It's really important to like take those deep breaths and sweat. And it been life changing. I mean, I've always wanted one, so this year I gifted it for myself and I'm just like, every day I'm so grateful for it.

Faith:  Oh, so grateful. I got one for Mother's Day and it's been a game changer, particularly for the last two weeks. I have a girlfriend that shows up with me at 6:45 in the morning and for 30 or 45 minutes, I'm in the zone and the high and just the exhilaration that I feel afterwards is so incredible, like so incredible. So yes, kudos to that. Yes!

Carine: That's my biggest thing is finding something that you can pour your heart into. And for me, I love plants. I love growing things. That's another thing that's been my outlet is to have something that I could nurture and see grow. I guess people would have cats and animals; I don't have pets, so I have plants instead. And I think that's pretty much my biggest thing. And of course, I have all sorts of crystals and Oracle cards, and I use all of those modalities too. I do a lot of body work. I get energy healings and acupuncture and massage and I take care of myself in that way. Meditate, pray - all of those things are great. I just go in and out of doing different things depending on what I need. But the one thing that's current is prayer, [unclear42:54].

Faith:  The PPPs, yes. Awesome! So for folks who are like, I really want to begin this spiritual healing journey or I want to heal from my past traumas; where do you suggest, or are there any resources that you could suggest, support groups - I don't know? Are there books that you would suggest, maybe a meditation?

Carine: Wow. I don't know. Like for me, I would say - I feel like a lot of people that are struggling tend to be empaths, so I always tell people to read Judith Olaf's survivor guide for empath, I think that's the name of the book. I really enjoy that book because I feel like it explains different types of empaths and gives you different ideas on how to cleanse your energy and starting that path of understanding - that kind of thing. But ultimately, it's really such a personal thing on how to start to look at your healing path and from what angle. And because I'm an acupuncturist, I think it's always kind of easier, so to speak, to go from the physical reality to go in, meaning like, if you're having a health issue, kind of looking at it from, okay, I'm having digestive stuff, what's happening? How I think about how am I digesting my life, right?

Am I having issues with my mom or that female energy? Digestion is all about mom nourishment, you know, so kind of tapping into what's happening with you on a physical plane to start to understand what possible traumas or emotional pains that you're carrying. Like the liver energy, the anger, frustration stress that's often seen in the shoulders, neck tension, a blurry eyes, painful eyes, headaches behind the eyes. Like all of those things, you know, I get you get migraines all the time. Unfortunately, I rarely meet someone that that doesn't have something physical happening. There's always something - even if it's something that doesn't feel like a big deal. Like a lot of people have things, "Oh, I get like menstrual cramps every so often."

No, you don't need to get menstrual cramps. If you're getting menstrual cramps that usually indicates something's happening with your body, on an emotional and physical level. So I would always suggest starting from that place, because I feel like going into the heart or going into the spirit could be a little hard for people because it's like how, where, what, who. Starting from the physical place, then you could start to go inward and be like, okay, what's happening emotionally? How can I tap into my heart? How can I love myself more? And one thing that we can all relate to is that feeling of love? Like, what is love? How do I love myself more? How can I fall madly in love with myself? So I would start from those two angles of like, feeling like, okay, what does love mean for me in my life? How can I use that energy to heal? And then what's going on with me physically and start asking my myself questions on like, okay, what's going on here? What's going on here?

I know Louise Hay has that book Heal Your Body. It's a really good start. It's not entirely a hundred percent right for every single person or every single condition, but it gives you a good base to be like, oh, it starts to make you think about certain things. And then another book I like is Anatomy of the Spirit by Carolyn Myss. That book is also a good baseline to understand the chakras and emotions and where things happen.

One of the things she said in that book that was eyeopening for me before I was on this realm of spirituality. I think I read that book when I was like in my mid-twenties, is that people that had headaches are migraines all the time, are disconnecting from their divine channeling. Like, there's energy that's happening or divine information that wants to come in, but you're creating a block. And I thought that was kind of fascinating, because I was like, oh, because I was getting headaches like every single day, like every single day. It was to the point where I was just like, oh, I'm just going to have headaches every day. I don't even know what to do.

Faith:  You just normalized the pain.

Carine: Right. And I was just like, this is crazy. I mean, is that my thyroid? Like, what's going on? I mean, I did all these things. I did the thyroid hydration, but it was like this dull headache like somebody was beating inside my head, and I read that and I was like, oh, that totally makes sense. So then once I started meditating and channeling and doing all those things, the daily headaches went away. I get headaches every so often, but it was not like that, so that was like one line in that book that totally shifted my whole reality. So, I've so I would say those kinds of book and there's so many out there; you really just want to gravitate towards things that feel good and you're like, oh, there's something about this - that. You know, I would listen to your spirit. Like, if you're on Amazon and you look for a certain book, then other things pop up, it's like, oh, okay. Maybe I was meant to read this book. But those two books or three books I mentioned are like very beginner-based books, easy to read books that kind of start to get the wheels turning.

Faith:  So listen, I think that there is a good place to kind of on a segue. For folks who are interested in learning more about you, want to connect with you, how can they go about doing so?

Carine: Well, my website has all the information, carinecamara.com and you can schedule a free session with me and then we can get to know each other and you can tell me what's going on with your life. And I could offer you what I do and how I can help you. And if I can't I'll point you in the right direction, so that's a good way to connect with me is jump on a phone call with me. And of course, you can find out all the things that I'm doing on Instagram. I also have my own podcast, Infinite Love Podcast, where you can jump on and learn about healing and love and how that's a healing modality and a transformational tool. And yeah, so everything about me is all by my name that you can find me on all the social media sites.

Faith:  So awesome. Well listen, Queen, it has been a pleasure learning from you, journeying with you and just being in community with you, so I thank you so much for joining me today.

Carine: Thank you.

Outro: So I hope you enjoyed this episode, and if you did, be sure to follow or subscribe to the show to make sure that you never miss a new episode, and also be sure to share the episode or podcast with another queen who might benefit. And before I go, I need your help. Please be sure to leave me a five star rating and review wherever you consume your podcast, this way more women are able to find the show and access the information that we share here. Also, if it's on your heart to buy me a coffee; any support that you're willing to provide to help me sustain this podcast is greatly appreciated. In the meantime, you can always follow us on all social media platforms at The Sista Circle Podcast, as well as via the website, thesistacirclepodcast.com. With love, Faith.